You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes by Lisa McKay was AMAZING!!! This pastor’s wife has 15 years of experience supporting her husband in ministry, an awesome testimony of how God can use the most unlikely people to impact His kingdom, and great advice for all things church and life. I would highly recommend this book to all women, not just pastors’ wives. Hear me out! She talks about raising your kids in church…and yes some of it is specifically to PKs BUT I think it is important that laypeople understand what ministry families go through. She talks about how being a Christian doesn’t mean you need to dress like your grandma. Modest is hottest, but don’t go buying a embroidered cat sweater. Consider adding this book to your must read list. She is funny and shares many stories including her testimony!
This past Wednesday night our church had a Fall Family Fun Night. There were games, a cake walk, and wagon rides. We had walking tacos (Fritos with chili in a bag topped with cheese–so good!) and Kona Ice came too! Tons of people from the church and surrounding community came out. Hannah wore her Halloween costume and rolled around in her stroller for the event, and about half way through I realized something. I was surrounded by teenagers. There were people my age at the event. We said hello and all but the people I spent the evening with were the youth. To be honest I have deeper relationships with most of the teenagers than the people my own age. This may seem odd, but it’s true! And to be honest (again), I like it that way!
Kyle’s job at the church may seem to be HIS job, but I consider it OUR ministry. His call to be a pastor doesn’t just effect him. It effects our entire family. We minister as a couple, and now that Hannah is here, we will minister as a family. So it seems fitting that I spent Wednesday night with teenage girls. It’s a realization that I love!
Today was tough. Not all day, but when I had to walk away. There are points in my life and marriage when I simply have to walk away.
Being a youth pastor’s wife (and I’m sure, any ministerial wife) has its challenges. One of the challenges I am faced with occasionally is not know what to do, say, or think about something my husband is struggling with. Maybe it’s a message he has prepared and can’t seem to get to a good point in. Maybe it is church politics (every church has them). Maybe it is picking and choosing between church events and resting or going to family gatherings. The list could go on forever.
So many times I wonder what he wants me to say, think, or do. Many times I try to gauge if he needs me to build him up or put him in his place. Should I point out that he is being ridiculous? Am I suppose to continue to compliment his 3 point message with its alliteration? How does he expect me to respond to this?
Today, I didn’t know what else to tell him. I didn’t know how else to help. I simply had to walk away. I grabbed my pool bag and a book (Wonder Struck by Margaret Feinberg) and left. Not out of anger or even frustration, but because he needed a day to just sit, think, pray, contemplate, seek advice, … A day to just be.
I hate walking away, but more than that I hate watching him struggle. I want to help him fix it. I want to be his friend, helper, soulmate. But today I couldn’t help any more than I had tried.
It’s hard, marriage that is.
I’m back at home now. About to eat dinner with my sweet husband. I hope and pray he is in a better place, but know that either way, God will take care of him even when I don’t know how to.
No, I have never given birth. No, we did not adopt. No, we do not foster. However, when one of the teenagers in our youth group needs us, we jump into action and become “parents” whenever.
Thursday night we hosted our small group bible study. After everyone had left and I was cleaning up, Kyle tells me one of the girls in the youth group is having family problems and may need a place to stay. Well, let’s go get her. It turned out her stepdad had taken her back to her mom from a friends house that night, but last night she stayed with us.
I love the students in my class, but the teenagers in the youth group have me wrapped around their fingers, especially this young lady.
Don’t worry. Her parents know she is with us! We had an ice cream outing last night, followed by her picking a movie (Star Wars) to watch at home. Today she will either tag along with us to a couples shower and Mother’s Day/birthday dinner or go hangout with some other girls from our youth group.
I love that she feels safe with us, wants to stay with us, and knows she is loved by us! Being a youth pastor’s wife means so much more than going to camp, Six Flags, and church every time the door is open. It means loving teenagers and helping them the way Christ would in some of the most difficult times in their lives.
If you can, stop for a minute and pray for this young lady and her family! She could use some comfort and peace in the storm her family is in.
As some of you may have read in a previous post (here), Kyle and I met as teenagers…so obviously he wasn’t a youth pastor when we began dating. Even when we were engaged and first married, Kyle wasn’t in the ministry. However, I knew he would be in the ministry one day.
Let me explain.
Kyle first felt called into ministry as a 16 year old but soon realized that he did not want to be a pastor. He told me this pretty early on in our dating. I knew that God’s calling on someone’s life didn’t go away when that person didn’t want to do it. I knew that eventually God would bring Kyle into a ministry job and he would follow the calling.
I was not one of those girls who wanted to marry a pastor or sought out guys with that calling on their lives. I am not saying it is wrong if you did, but that just wasn’t me. I was raised by an architect and an accountant. My parents are godly people, but I never would have pictured myself as a pastor’s wife. However, my Great Aunt Sonya is a school teacher and is married to a pastor. I have always loved and adored her. I enjoy hearing ministry and missions stories when they visit and look up to her. So Kyle having a calling on his life didn’t scare me away.
When we first married, Kyle was an accounts receivable clerk for an auto auction. He made decent money and was able to support us until I found a job. After almost 6 months of marriage he was laid off. We believe this was God’s way of getting Kyle on a mission trip he felt he was supposed to be on but his boss wouldn’t give him time off. Kyle went on the mission trip and God made it very clear that Kyle was supposed to be a youth pastor.
He came home and wanted to enroll in school for ministry. He started volunteering heavily in our church’s youth ministry. He was focused on following God’s call and becoming a full time youth pastor…eventually.
I knew at this point that we were in this…together. I had known this was coming for years and have always had a deep conviction that Kyle’s ministry would be mine also. I want to be involved in his work, ministry, and calling. I go on the youth trips. I attend the conferences and events. I listen to and encourage our students.
Sometimes people ask me what my reaction to Kyle taking a ministry job was. And to be honest, I tell them that I knew it was coming. No he hasn’t always been a youth pastor, but I knew that God’s calling was still there.
So here I am, a youth pastor’s wife. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!