Pecan Pie and Big Secrets

I love Thanksgiving! It’s a time to visit with family, eat a ton of great food, and look at Black Friday ads. Six years ago I was getting ready to graduate college and marry the man of my dreams. I, being the great fiancée that I was, wanted to make a dish that Kyle would love for the holiday. He told me pecan pie. I don’t eat pecan pie (it’s too sweet!) and neither does my family, so I looked up a recipe online. I used Paula Dean’s recipe (you can’t go wrong with Paula) and my Nanny’s pie crust recipe. Between the two I had a hit! His family loved it and demands that I bring pecan pie, or pies, for all family gatherings. So yesterday I did my usual pre-holiday prep and made my pecan pie.
I also spent the day remembering last year. Last year at Thanksgiving Kyle and I had a BIG secret. We took a pregnancy test the day before Thanksgiving and it was positive! For the first time ever we saw two pink lines! We kept it to ourselves until we had blood work done and celebrated the holidays so thankful for our BIG secret. 

This year Hannah is here. We are a happy, healthy family of three. We have so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!!!


Due Date

Today is Hannah’s due date and yet I’m still pregnant…to say that I have officially hit impatient would be an understatement. I am beyond ready to hold her in my arms instead of in my belly. I want to see her daddy’s face as he kisses her the first time and her grandparents as they take on a new title in life. I am anxious, emotional, and tired. But I know she is healthy where she is (and quiet) and that she will be here in God’s timing (He is still trying to teach me to let go of my need to control…I’m stubborn 😕). 

Feeling Like ME

This summer was a great time to relax and rest as a baby has grown inside of me. I don’t know that it would have been good or wise for me to work during my 30-38 week time period. However, I didn’t feel like myself this summer. I didn’t look like me, act like me, respond like me. Maybe it’s the hormones, or laziness from being exhausted, or who knows, but this summer I wasn’t me

I went back to work last week (teachers seem to go back earlier and earlier each year) and still wasn’t who I remember myself to be. I wasn’t keeping the house as clean, cooking as much, enjoying the social aspect of my job. It’s been weird. But in the past two days everything has changed! The kids have come back to school and I feel like ME! I get to be goofy, and accomplish tasks that matter. I get to learn about new little people and show my slightly crazy side. Being a teacher is apart of who I am. God called me to this career and it has been amazing to be back (even if only for a few days)! I have loved it!

Please do not misunderstand me. I am 39 weeks pregnant and exhausted. My feet and ankles are unrecognizable and hurt. I am thrilled to be taking time off with my sweet little girl soon and will love every second of it. But I am so glad to I have a career that I LOVE and know that I was called to!

I Survived My Nightmare

Since finding out I was pregnant, and having the doctors confirm my due date (August 6), I have had a few nightmares, but one has reoccurred too many times to count. My water breaking as I’m meeting parents and students at open house. That may seem silly, but it has been my struggle. I have known since week four that at week 39 I would endure open house and the first week of school. For some reason the idea of the first week of school is less scary of a time for my water to break than open house. 

Last night was open house…and I survived my nightmare, or I guess my nightmare never occurred in real life! I’m so excited/relieved! As I met my 25 fifth graders and several of my teaching partner’s students as well, I was thrilled at how well they handled my very round belly and the fact that my due date is Saturday. Sure, at the end of the night my feet hurt, my back ached, and all I wanted was to lie down and sleep…but I would consider the night a HUGE success! Especially since my water didn’t break.

One Picture

I love photographs, but I don’t love the cost of professional photography. Over the years of Pinterest scanning I have had one picture in mind that I wanted when I became pregnant. It was nothing special, just a silouhette in front of a window. After pricing some photographers for a maternity shoot and recognizing that I am poor and would rather pay for photographs of Hannah instead of my baby bump I decided to break out my birthday present from my parents. 

After setting up the tripod, getting the camera positioned and figuring out the right angle by trial and error for about thirty pictures I grabbed the one picture I wanted. 

I am so glad to have this little reminder of how precious this time in my life is. I will never be this close with Hannah ever again and want to cherish the bond we have now (no matter how uncomfortable I am at times).

When did we switch to days?

Suddenly people have stopped asking how far along I am, or how many weeks left. Now they ask how many days? When did that happen? Months seemed like I had tons of time. Weeks made me realize how little time I had. But days… Man, days make the phrase any day now feel so much more real. 

So, to answer the question, we are 19 days away from her due date (ahhhhh!). We are so excited to meet our little girl and can’t wait to introduce her to our family and friends!

It’s Getting Real

Today we had a doctors appointment and a hospital tour. Nothing to get all worked up about, but the doctor said something that I knew, but didn’t know. You know how sometimes you have a head knowledge of something but it doesn’t really click? Yep, that was me today. 

We are almost 36 weeks pregnant (Saturday is coming fast), and the doctor said, “If contractions start now, we won’t do anything to stop them.” I knew this was the case at 36 weeks, but I’M THERE! We’ve made it and this is really happening. We are really becoming parents in the next few weeks. According to my doctor any day could be the day. WHAT? 

This is crazy! 

So yes, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach flipped, and I constantly question whether we are ready for this or not…but no matter what…this is getting real!

Watching and Feeling

I enjoy watching Royal Pains, a fictional medical show about a concierge doctor. In the show, one of the couples has been struggling with infertility. During this week’s episode the wife took an at home pregnancy test before her blood work to see if IFV worked. The at home test was negative and she was devastated. 
I could relate more than I would like to admit to the heart break she felt, but the episode ended with blood work results that were positive and tears of joy began to run down my face. Three little words can make my heart melt. You are pregnant

The funny part was her husband’s reaction. Let’s keep it a secret for one night. The wife agrees and before she can complete her sentence he is screaming to his brother the great news. I understand his joy and lack of control in containing the news. It was two of the hardest days of my life to not tell, sing, shout it from a mountain top. WE ARE PREGNANT!

After the episode finished I was broken in my gratitude for my sweet baby girl. We are 37 days away from her due date. 37…that’s it. I can’t believe the journey we have been on to get here or how God sees me as deserving of such a miracle. God is beyond anything I can comprehend and though I am worried and stressed about being a mom, taking care of financial obligations, and maintaining a healthy marriage…I am so thankful that He trusts me enough to give me a daughter. My faith is being stretched as we look up to heaven and admit we don’t know where the provisions are coming from. My love for God is deepening as I try to understand how he could possibly love me at all. My trust is in the Lord today and tomorrow. May I never lose sight of that. 

So, yes…I cried through the end of the episode and then some. My heart will always feel for couples who struggle to have families because I too have walked that path. My only way of surviving is trusting in God…for all of my needs, wants, hopes, and desires. 

Scary Moment

It was almost 10 pm, so I headed home. I left Kyle and two other adults with the teenagers from our church for their night long youth event. When I made it home, I fed the dogs, watered my plants, and locked up the house. I was asleep before 11 and apparently sleeping hard. 

Sometime after midnight, I was awoken by Kyle, in the house, with lights on and everything. I didn’t hear him drive up, the dogs bark, Kyle call out to me through the windows, unlock the door, turn on the lights, fiddle around in the house…I heard nothing. 

When I woke up this morning the reality of my hard sleeping hit me. I was home alone and was completely unaware of anyone coming into my home. It scared me. What if I don’t hear Hannah crying? Or someone who isn’t Kyle break into my home? What if I sleep so hard that I don’t hear the smoke detector go off? Luckily for me, Kyle and I don’t spend many nights apart from one another, but what if…?

Knit Together

For Mother’s Day we gave our parents an experience we ourselves could not have imagined being so amazing. We had a 3D ultrasound done! It was incredible to see Hannah’s face, hands, feet,… She is beautiful and I had no words while I stared at her in amazement!

God created her! He knit her together in my body (Psalm 139:13). He knows every detail about her and the life she will live. 

In Sunday School we are studying 1 Samuel and today specifically talked about Samuel’s calling to be a prophet. Samuel’s story is special to me because of my connection to his mother, Hannah (which is who our Hannah is named after). As I sat there and soaked in the lesson this morning I was yet again struck with an affection for this story. How Hannah was blessed with Samuel, raised him, and then gave him back to the Lord. God used Samuel in ways most of us can never imagine being used. He was God’s man but it wasn’t an easy thing being God’s prophet. 

I hope and pray that Hannah will live a life that follows God. That she will have a heart that longs for her Savior and doing His work. I want God to use Hannah’s life for His glory and honor.