Today is Hannah’s due date and yet I’m still pregnant…to say that I have officially hit impatient would be an understatement. I am beyond ready to hold her in my arms instead of in my belly. I want to see her daddy’s face as he kisses her the first time and her grandparents as they take on a new title in life. I am anxious, emotional, and tired. But I know she is healthy where she is (and quiet) and that she will be here in God’s timing (He is still trying to teach me to let go of my need to control…I’m stubborn 😕).
Once we tried everything my doctor wanted to and still weren’t pregnant she referred us to two different specialists (May 2015). I decided to call the specialist where Kyle had done a medical test. When I called there was no answer. I left a voicemail but never heard back from them. I thought this was odd, but took it as a sign to not use a specialist yet. We spent the next three cycles doing no medicine, blood work, or tests.
When we passed the two year point I called the specialist again (August 2015). Still no answer or return call. Instead of waiting or trying them again, I called the other specialist recommended by my doctor. This office answered the first time and set up an appointment immediately.
I think the month leading up to our appointment might have been the hardest for me. I cried constantly. The thought that we needed help was devastating. Writing this now and reliving this experience has me bawling like a baby. My pride was bruised, battered, and broken. I was officially admitting that something was wrong with us and we couldn’t make a baby the way most people do.
Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing instant in prayer. Romans 12:12 This verse became my constant focus. I meditated on it daily. Prayed through it continually. We had so much hope that these doctors would be able to help us start our family. We were trying to be patient during this trying time. We focused our hearts on God and prayed constantly. He was the only way I made it through most days. After 32 months of wanting a baby and 24 months of trying to have one, we were finally ready to take the next step…we needed to seek more help than we ever thought we would have to.