Faith, Hope, & Love

Do you ever read scripture and feel like God taught you His word in a situation who’ve walked through? I know I do…constantly. I was reading in 1 Corinthians 13, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:13‬ ‭NIV), and it hit me that God has used the last three years to teach me this verse. 


Faith

The first year we tried to get pregnant we were faithful to try, try, and try again. We prayed and read God’s word and had faith that He would send a baby to us in His perfect timing. My faith was stretched and molded into something greater with each month that passed. I’m not saying I belong in the Faith Hall of Fame but I learned about Hebrews 11 first hand. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”(‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬). I couldn’t see my future children, a positive pregnancy test, or the Lord who said he was with me, but I knew that God was with me and that He would either give me the desires of my heart or change my desires (which I prayed many times as my heart was aching). Faith was where it all began for me as I began my journey to becoming a parent.


Hope

The second year we were trying to get pregnant we had so much hope for what God was going to do in our lives. We hoped for a positive pregnancy test each month. We hoped for a baby to be sent to us. We hoped for our marriage to be strengthened through this trial. We hoped for our relationships with the Lord to be deepened. We had hope. I meditated daily on Romans 12:12; “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” I can now see that hoping for a child deepened my prayer life. I say this because I expressed my hope through prayer continuously. Those prayers were what helped me hang on to the Lord. 


Love

Since Hannah has been born (I can’t believe she is a month old already), God has been teaching me, and continues to teach me, about love. I knew God loved me, but I didn’t understand the extent to which he loved me. Until you have a child I don’t know that you can fully understand God giving his son to die for our sins. I would do, and will do, anything to guard, shield, and protect Hannah. I do not want any harm to come to her. I cannot imagine giving her up for someone else’s life to be spared, but that is exactly what God did for me and for you. That kind of love is beyond my ability to understand. Each day I pray that God would teach me to love him as fiercely as I love Hannah. 

So here I am, at the end of a three year journey, realizing why the greatest of these is love. 

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Watching and Feeling

I enjoy watching Royal Pains, a fictional medical show about a concierge doctor. In the show, one of the couples has been struggling with infertility. During this week’s episode the wife took an at home pregnancy test before her blood work to see if IFV worked. The at home test was negative and she was devastated. 
I could relate more than I would like to admit to the heart break she felt, but the episode ended with blood work results that were positive and tears of joy began to run down my face. Three little words can make my heart melt. You are pregnant

The funny part was her husband’s reaction. Let’s keep it a secret for one night. The wife agrees and before she can complete her sentence he is screaming to his brother the great news. I understand his joy and lack of control in containing the news. It was two of the hardest days of my life to not tell, sing, shout it from a mountain top. WE ARE PREGNANT!

After the episode finished I was broken in my gratitude for my sweet baby girl. We are 37 days away from her due date. 37…that’s it. I can’t believe the journey we have been on to get here or how God sees me as deserving of such a miracle. God is beyond anything I can comprehend and though I am worried and stressed about being a mom, taking care of financial obligations, and maintaining a healthy marriage…I am so thankful that He trusts me enough to give me a daughter. My faith is being stretched as we look up to heaven and admit we don’t know where the provisions are coming from. My love for God is deepening as I try to understand how he could possibly love me at all. My trust is in the Lord today and tomorrow. May I never lose sight of that. 


So, yes…I cried through the end of the episode and then some. My heart will always feel for couples who struggle to have families because I too have walked that path. My only way of surviving is trusting in God…for all of my needs, wants, hopes, and desires. 

Just Be Held

You know how some songs just touch your heart? That is what this song is for me…close to my heart and meaningful beyond what I can describe.

So many times when I was searching for a job, trying to get pregnant, making a transition at work…dealing with life…I have felt like I HAVE to be strong. Like I can’t show weakness or be real. Sometimes during these times of “needing” to be strong God throws another loop into the roller coaster of life. When I was job searching—Kyle lost his job. When we were trying to get pregnant—most of our friends became pregnant. When trying to prepare to be a fifth grade teacher—take on more leadership in the school.

I am sure that you can think of several times where this has happened to you.

Many times when things like this happen we are already tired because we have been trying to be strong…do it ourselves…show no weaknesses. But let me tell you from experience that surrendering control to God is so much better. Laying down your worries, frustrations, needs, wants, EVERYTHING at the feet of Jesus is not showing weakness. Its showing trust in God to take care of you. Its showing faith in Jesus to intercede for us when we don’t know the words to pray anymore. Its showing that we are human and not God.

So many times I have found myself on my knees, crying out to God for answers, begging for a sign and don’t feel like He is anywhere near me. God’s word promises that you are not alone (Matthew 28: 20) so just let go of what you are gripping so tightly. Let God hold you today. Let Him carry your burden.

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My favorite part of this song is Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place. When we were both without jobs…it felt like everything was falling apart. How were we going to pay our bills? buy food? make it? God showed up—I was blessed with a teaching job two weeks before pre-planning and Kyle was able to go back to school to become a youth pastor. When we were trying to get pregnant…it felt hopeless. We were both healthy, nothing wrong except our timing. God showed up—After 27 months of trying, God blessed us with a baby girl (due in August!) Although it felt like our world was falling apart…God’s plan has everything falling into place…the perfect place…at the perfect time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

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When we  were trying to conceive I read a book called Pregnant with Hope. In it were a list of promises from the bible. I have these promises posted around my home, classroom, EVERYWHERE. I stop and read them often because there are times where I need to be reminded of the promises God has made me. I have the promises in a PDF here for you.

Let these help you focus on the cross instead of the storm you are walking through. Know that your pain and grief are real and not silly. God has a plan for all of the emotions you are feeling. He is going to make something beautiful out of the mess that you are in. He is holding you in the palm of His hand!

Today, will you let go? Will you trust God to take care of whatever you are in the middle of? I beg you to stop holding on…and just be held.

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