If you know us, you know our journey to parenthood was anything but easy. With three years between beginning to try and bringing home our first baby we walked a path it seems more and more people end up walking.
We have always wanted multiple children but after a treatment which did not work last year, we needed a break. I needed a time without tests, needles, and medicines (let my coworkers and family tell you just how crazy these meds make me), but I quickly began to mourn the loss of hope. Kyle used to say we were pregnant with hope. I was losing my hope for another baby. It wasn’t a constant mourn, but a sudden onset of tears at random times when I would realize that it may not be in God’s plan for me to ever carry another baby.
You see, one of the most frustrating parts of our diagnosis (unexplained infertility) is that we are medically healthy with no reasons doctors can find for not being able to conceive. On paper, it makes no sense why we could not get pregnant, but there we were again without a positive test, plus sign, or baby on the way.
Last Fall, I finally let go of my obsession to grow our family. I could not miss out on the miracle God had already given me just because I wanted her to be a big sister. I stopped counting days, paying attention the the calendar, and I began to relish my time with Hannah! The pain would show up on occasion and would let hope sneak back in only to have it cruelly squashed three minutes later by another negative test. I would cry to my mom and Kyle knowing that I was the one who had let hope reappear when I knew with my head I don’t get pregnant.
April felt no different. Being late is a part of what comes with my diagnosis, so I ignored it. I wasn’t falling for that trick again. The one where I buy a test only to have it destroy my heart within moments. After a week, I told Kyle. After two weeks, we decided we should take a test. Just like each time before, I told myself to not get excited. Don’t let hope in. It’s not going to be any different this time.
Three minutes went by and I screamed! Never did I think this could happen. Doctors said our chances were 0.02% on our own! This baby is the miracle we never thought would come!
So when you say congratulations, trust me we appreciate it, but let me tell you who deserves the praise…my God! The Creator of Heaven and Earth! The One who loves me unconditionally! He is the one who has given us this miracle! He is the one who has created life in me! He is the Great I AM!