1. At 2:30 am when your husband has been up for 2 hours with a baby and needs sleep because has to go to work at 9 and you are frustrated because you need sleep too…wife failure! I got up, and stayed up with baby girl but struggled to defend my husband in my mind (what I have to do when I know he isn’t trying to hurt my feelings, but my feelings are hurt).
2. When you’ve only had about three hours of sleep the entire night and your daughter is crying (again) and you don’t have a clue what she needs…mom failure! Baby girl loves to be up at night and then only sleeps in two hour stints during the day. By the time I’m convinced she is really asleep and then I fall asleep, I normally only get 30-45 minutes of sleep before she fusses again. Then I go through the list of things she could need (diaper change, food, burping, gas, etc.). But when I get to the end of the list and nothing has worked…I burst into tears too!
3. When you check your work email and have another parent complaint about the substitute teacher…teacher failure! My students shouldn’t have to suffer while I’m out and parents shouldn’t have to deal with this bad situation, but I can’t do anything from home…and my daughter needs me more than they do. I hate that I have left my teaching partner with this and the students and parents too. It stinks!
4. When your boss text you asking about the paper work for your maternity leave and the papers are still in Marietta at the doctors office…employee failure.
At this point I lost it! I’m talking total meltdown. Tears streaming down my cheeks, sniffling nose, hair a mess, need a shower, baby girl crying, home alone,… I think you get it. It was bad.
I’m not used to failing. Or feeling like a failure. I try my best at everything I do. I want to bring glory to God in all of my actions and today I felt like I let my husband, my daughter, my students, their parents, my teaching partner, my bosses, and God down.
My husband came home at lunch and affirmed me and my efforts as a mom and wife. My mom went to the doctors office for the paperwork for me. And a shower and lunch helped to stop the tears and sniffling nose. But I am constantly reminding myself that I can only do this thing called life with God on my side. I need God to supply my rest and strength. I have to trust that God will take care of my students and prepare me to go back to work. I know God has my daughter in His hands. But my failures are real. Scripture reminds me that God’s, “’grace is sufficient for [me], for [his]power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”(2 Corinthians 12:9).