I have been a hermit crab for the past week and only left home with Kyle and Hannah for doctors appointments. I rode in the back seat with Hannah and stared at her the entire time. The thought of leaving the house by myself brought me to tears this weekend. I can’t protect her out in the world the way I can at home. I can’t control what other maniacs do, but I can control who I let in my home and near my daughter. As I was crying to Kyle about this on Sunday afternoon I realized I have to leave the house. I have to trust God to protect her. I have to let go of so much control and know that Hannah is better off in the center of God’s hand than wrapped in my arms sitting at home.
Geez that is hard to write.
As I sit hear and listen to her hiccup, I can say that we did get out yesterday for evening service at church and today for a quick trip to Target. I drove her last night (with daddy riding along to help) and today by myself for a little bit. I am making baby steps toward re-entering the world and taking Hannah along.
It’s not easy. I never thought it would be, but …I just want to keep her safe, control her every encounter, shelter her from harm…